Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Slidin’ Thru The Hollers Like They Do Up North

If I hear another northerner tell me that we hillbillies don’t know how to drive, I’m gonna sit on ‘em and make them eat cornbread without sugar and soup beans with seasoning meat.

It was bedlam this morning. Tens of thousands of dollars in damage to vehicles, and who-knows-how-much in road workers, materials and equipment cost to help clear the roads. And horribly, at least two people who left their homes this morning will never return. And here’s something to consider: There were plenty of fall injuries this morning with broken arms, legs, and hips that will take weeks of recovery.

This morning, east Tennessee had nature’s form of a sneak attack. The streets had been chilled with very low temperatures in the past few days. Then this morning the air temperature hovered around 28 to 30 degrees- just right for ice. The kind of ice that forms in the tiny crevices of the pavement so that it doesn’t make a tell-tale reflection. It’s the kind of ice that can quickly make a road slicker than snot on a Popsicle. And driver’s won’t know it until they look out the windshield and see the headlights of the car driving behind them, and oncoming traffic in their rear view mirror.

It doesn’t matter whether you grew up in Sopchoppy, Florida, Smoky Junction, Tennessee, or Bratwurst, Wisconsin, when the interface between the tire and the roadway is interrupted by a layer of ice, you are going to slide. I saw a videotape of a military tank sliding on an icy road in Germany- a perfect illustration that slick is slick no matter what you are driving. And a northerner was probably driving the tank. If they weren’t, there was one somewhere inside the machine saying “We don’t drive our tanks like this up north.”

There are only so many degrees of incline, decline, or banking in a curve that any vehicle can take when the road is iced over like the inside of a 1950 Kelvinator. In ice- 60 MPH to 0 MPH is the premier performance specification. The only thing I have seen that gives you any help is a computerized system that thinks faster than a driver. Even a driver from up-north.

I’ve heard some reporters this afternoon sound almost hopeful this stuff will re-freeze and cause even more problems tonight and in the morning. Maybe they will find work in Frozen Butt, North Dakota.

Posted by Dave Foulk at 21:24:21 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Why So Many Bank Robberies ?

The large number of recent bank holdups in Knoxville is enough to worry anybody in the teller business. Customers’ deposits are federally insured, so they don’t lose anything. Sooner or later, someone working at a bank is going to get hurt during a holdup. The odds of that happening increase with each new stick-up.

Word has apparently leaked onto the street about which banks use dye packs and which ones don’t. Dye packs are explosive devices hidden in what is called “bait money” that a teller can stuff into a robber’s bag. I don’t exactly know their inner workings, except that the charge is timed to go off in a certain amount of time, allowing for the robber to be out of the bank when the explosive charge sends money flying, and dye all over the crook.

They are a sight to see sometimes. Once, I reported on a bank holdup where the dye pack went off inside a speeding car, sending purple bills all over the street in front of some very surprised pedestrians. One FBI man I knew says he caught a robber that had concealed his loot in an inside jacket pocket. When the dye pack went off, it burned the robber to his ribs.

I understand that dye packs are expensive. And I can imagine what would happen if one were accidentally armed inside a bank. But it seems to me that some financial institutions might have to make a corporate decision to take some active steps to deter holdups. That might include armed guards inside or outside of the bank.

One of the most effective deterents I have ever seen was the stake-out squad. Undercover or concealed officers would stay at a vulnerable location, and confront the robber once they were away from innocent people who might be in the line of fire. Nothing like TV news pictures of a dead robber with currency scattered all around his body to convey the thought that taking other people’s possessions might not be a good idea.

Maybe it’s desparate finances pushing the increase. But my best bet is that it’s the old problem of drug addiction. Or maybe plain-old greed.

Meanwhile, I think I will stick to direct deposit and the drive-thru.

 


 

Posted by Dave Foulk at 00:07:44 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Monday, December 24, 2007

A Christmas Shopping Trip

We have so much and we don’t even realize it.

I was in a Wal-Mart this morning searching for those obscure things my wife only wants at Christmas, like pickled brussel sprouts and essence of orange zest.  Many of the people in the store looked like they were about to land at Omaha Beach.  Their jaws were set, eyes with that thousand-present stare, and probably a sinking feeling that when the credit card bill comes next month, they will have to offer the bank their first-born.

Folks were packing their carts with presents, then heading to the grocery section to buy all kinds of goodies to cook for that one special day. I was only buying groceries.  My wife bought her own Christmas present last night at Wal Mart- a new vacumn cleaner that I happily assembled for her today. We were already short on staples because of our move into our new, downsized home. The tab was on the dark side of two hundred dollars, which apparently dashed all my hopes for the Mercedes Gelandenwagen again this year.

Later in the afternoon, I did make a visit to my friend Mark Enix at Fountain City Jewelers for the “real” Christmas present.  Dena deserves something nice. She has endured an awful year with health problems, and has been forced to retire from teaching, something she truly loves.

On my way home, I drove straight south on Broadway through town, passing by The Salvation Army and Knox Area Rescue Ministries. There they were.  I would guess about two hundred people had already gathered on both sides of the street for an evening meal, and maybe a warm place to stay tonight. Some of the people were huddled beneath blankets, sitting on the sidewalk waiting for the doors to open.

It made me feel guilty about grumbling over having to go to the grocery store, and really bad about whining that this year, I haven’t bought as many presents for the kids as usual.

I am warm.  I have food.  And I have a nice clean place to sleep tonight.  My wife and family is around to love me, and I have the faculties to love them back.  Even my dogs love me, although I think in Harmony’s instance it is because I am the guy with the treats.

Our community has raised thousands of dollars to help the down-and-out and the homeless, and the impoverished in Appalachia.  And still there are plenty more who need help, and even more who are right on the cusp of hunger.

So my wish for you this Christmas is this:

Lighten up.  Love somebody.  Be thankful for what we all have. 

And that includes the offer of salvation through Jesus Christ. 

Posted by Dave Foulk at 00:16:21 | Permalink | Comments (3)