Saturday, May 31, 2008

Is It Me, Or Does It Smell Like Elephant Poop In Here?

Ever ride an elephant?  

I did.

Bareback.

Elephants probably would be offended if they could read, and if they were able to read…use those big feet to click on a (gasp!) mouse.

But I will say it anyway. 

Elephants stink.

And, at least the adult variety appear to always be in the large economy container with rough skin and tough bristles.

The talk on the airwaves today has been about anything BUT the elephant that is sitting in the parlor with us. 

Oil prices are wrecking budgets.  Grocery prices are up.  And there’s even talk about food shortages in the coming few years.

There are despots to the south of us,  despots to contend with in the middle east, and who knows how many junior despots and tinhorn dingbats with ideations of striking out at our nation.

You know the list of worries.  Truth be known, you probably have your own personal list that plays over-and-over in the back of your mind.

But much of the national eyeball has been focused today on what one preacher said in one church, and what another preacher said about a presidential candidate. With all that politicking in church, I sure hope those preachers saved time for a little Jesus in there somewhere. 

I definitely smell elephant doo doo in the parlor.  Are you sure you don’t see one in here somewhere?

Posted by Dave Foulk at 00:29:03 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Monday, May 26, 2008

First Image From Mars

NASA has successfully landed the Phoenix Mars Explorer. I have obtained the first photograph. There is a sign of life….

I hope we didn’t land on its nest.

Posted by Dave Foulk at 12:10:23 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Friday, May 23, 2008

Hangar Queens

A hangar queen is an aircraft that has so many mechanical or electrical problems that it is under a roof more than in the sky.  There are also less delicate nouns that can follow “hangar”.  I know because some of the mechanics that worked on the helicopters I rode for three years used those words and a lot more.


A friend of mine sent me this list of mechanical problem reports from a company that has scores of airplanes in the air at any given time  The pilot report is designated with a “P”. The “S” is the service technician.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
 
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
 
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
 
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
 
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
 
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
 
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
 
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
 
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
 
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
 
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
 
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
 
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
 
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
 
And the best one for last
 
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

One of the men who worked on those Hughes 300C helicopters I rode-  Kent Hurd, summed it up for a pilot one day with this gem:  “We can teach a monkey to fly these &%$#@ things, but so far, not one of ‘em has learned how to fix one of them.”

Posted by Dave Foulk at 02:21:02 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

And There’s Nothing You Can Do


I have lost count of the number of times I have been listening to a police radio, and heard the frantic calls of either an officer in peril, or one of their fellow officers shouting for help. More often than not it involved gunfire. And sometimes, it was terribly nerve wracking to hear.

That was the case Tuesday afternoon when - for the second time in my career- I listened as news came that officer Norman Rickman was wounded. The first time was in 2001, and I was only a block away when a man shot him during a traffic stop. I rolled up the grass median on Papermill Road..and had to quickly back up because I was dangerously close to the line of fire. Officer Rickman survived the .40 caliber wound and returned to service.

Yesterday afternoon, Rickman was responding to a burglar alarm. He had no reason to suspect it was different that most of the other 17,000 burglar calls in the city during a typical year. Only one half of one percent of them turn out to be actual break-ins. But this was one of those rare, and in this case, deadly exceptions. Somebody shot Officer Rickman. More than once.

It is a testament to his physical endurance that he survived the first attack. I hope and pray he has the same outcome for this one.

I have been close to at least two gun battles that I immediately recall. Although I am a gun owner and have fired everything from a .22 pistol to submachine guns, they are still frightening because it’s not you holding the firearm. And in the case of the bad guy, it isn’t even somebody who cares whether you are shot or not.

There was a time on Westview Avenue in Atlanta when a Fulton County Marshall was shot to death. I had to crouch behind a squad car as the lawman’s body sprawled in the street only feet away. And the other time was when Norman Rickman was wounded on Papermill Road. Those two were the scariest for me.

Then there were times when I was working the desk, and only heard the radio calls:

The call from an Atlanta policeman who found his partner mortally wounded in a graveyard during a foot chase of a suspect.

Yells for help from a female officer after she had shot to death a sixteen year old car thief, who had just shot her partner in the face and killed him during a routine traffic stop.

Calls of “officer down” after a motorcycle patrolman died when somebody backed out of a driveway into his path during a chase for a suspect.

And there were other times when law officers were hurt in the line-of-duty, mostly car crashes, when I was working and heard the initial calls for help.

You can’t be a street reporter for a number of years without gaining an appreciation of what these folks have to put-up with on a daily basis, and the danger than can pop up like a rattlesnake, fangs ready to inject death.
In the news business (at least for us old-timers), the police scanner was one of the basic tools of the trade. It sits on the desk, blinking away most days with routine calls and reports of car crashes.

Then there are other times, when the audio from the speaker seems to travel right down to your gut.

And yesterday, it happened again.

Get well Norman Rickman.

Posted by Dave Foulk at 23:41:46 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Another Channel For Your Reading Pleasure

There are some folks who could care less whether I have gastric bypass, heart bypass, or even take the bypass out of town. So I have decided to move the medical stuff to a blog of its own:   “Drastic Bypass” .  You can find it at this link:

www.drasticbypass.blog.com

We will keep the regular posts, or as regular as my mind can make them…on this channel.  And those who want to watch the progress of my search for smaller pants sizes can click on the other from time-to-time, or they can latch on to the RSS syndication. 

There…all tidy.  And those who read this blog won’t have to endure accounts of billious dark green, stinking liquid from plastic tubes.

Oops.

Posted by Dave Foulk at 02:35:03 | Permalink | No Comments »

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

I Got The Old ‘Goin To The Clinic Blues

A person who has diabetes might run out of insulin, chew all of their glucose tablets, and forget to refill their ’script for neuropathy medicine. But there’s one thing they will never run short of: doctor’s appointments.


There’s your general doctor, or internal medicine doc, then there’s the endocrinologist for your glands above the waist, your urologist for the glands below your waist, the nephrologist for the middle where your kidneys reside, the opthamologist to help you read the doctor bills, and even the psychologist for when all of this runs you crazy.


And I am sure I have left out several “ologists” on my list. It’s just that I am weary of every one of them. It’s not that they are particularly unkind or uncaring. It’s just that my rump is tired of sitting in their waiting room chairs for half a day, then sitting on their butcher paper covered examination tables for the rest of the day. Is there a flatbuttologist out there who takes Cigna Health Insurance.


Diabetes attacks every cell of the body. In essence, we are all shook up, even more than Jerry Lee Lewis when he had his bones shaken and brains rattled. And we didn’t even have to marry our underage first cousin to get this way. Our bodies inability to process the fuel we take, or our inability to handle sugar in a normal way, makes everything about us at peril.


I have read several studies concerning a potential cure for Type Two Diabetes. It is a surgical treatment called gastric bypass surgery. Specifically, it is the Rou-En-Y form of this surgery. There are too many documented incidents where people who have undergone this surgery have been able to either stop taking insulin and revert to oral medication, or stop all medication to handle blood sugar disorders. It is not too good to be true. It is not that good. My wife had the surgery for weight loss and she was terribly sick for the first couple of days, and had a bad case of pneumonia that kept her in the hospital for a week. And there are several restrictions you have to follow for life if you have the surgery.


I am going to go for it.


This is the first public pronouncement on the subject, and I wanted my friends who read the blog to learn about it first. I have been seeing someone….no, dammit…not that kind of seeing someone. I have been seen by a physician, and have been approved for the surgery by the entity that controls all of our health- the insurance company.


I learned today that some final paperwork is on the way to the prospective surgeon…papers he wanted to see concerning my health treatment over the past five years. This surgeon also wants to run a light down my goozle to peruse my gut, presumably to see what he is literally getting into. It is also another wonderful opportunity to run a light into one of my orifices down to the nether region of my body.


Then, I will finally have an appointment to meet the actual doctor. He will give the yea or nay as to whether he will do the deed. I assume that if he says ‘yea’ that the surgery would be performed on his time schedule. I have heard that recovery is fairly quick, and since I do little physical work (and some would say mental work, either), I would return to work soon.


This is not a decision made overnight. And it is not without fear. I heard once that courage is what someone does when they are scared spitless. I would be scared spitless, and I am hoping for copious amounts of narcotics and other potions to asuage the shakes.


But I have to do it. Diabetes is eating away at my health like corrosion on battery terminals. Insulin use is tough, and I have never been good at math. My blood sugars can be controlled with it, but it can be a bear, especially when you overdose.


Being fat has little to do with the final decision. Because if it were a case of dressing nice, I could just buy bigger clothes. And I am not as self conscious about my weight as some other folks.


I do know how it hurts to be overweight and concerned about your appearance. My wife of more than thirty years was in reasonably good health, and had her surgery for the weight loss benefit. She looks like a different person.


I have felt the not-so-good natured comments about my weight deep in my heart. On-the-job, I have paid the price for being fat. But that discrimination taught me to look a little deeper, and care a little more for how I look at others. That is a good thing. God brings lessons in many ways.


So this is not about looks. It is about getting healthy, gaining mobility, and adding years to my life. We will see if the plan for surgery goes ahead.


If so, fine…if not…well… I suppose e-Bay has plenty of fat guy clothes and as long as horses pee, I will have insulin, and as long as doctor’s kids go to college I will have doctor’s (or assistants) to treat me.


I hope it’s not too much to ask for your prayers.

Posted by Dave Foulk at 02:29:15 | Permalink | Comments (5)

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Time-Lapse Photos And Interpol Link

Someone sent me this web site.  I am not sure if it was supposed to be public, but it has no password, and no warning…so here goes:

http://oxblue.com/pro/open/?webPath=balp

And here is the link to Interpol.  There is a world-wide search for a pedophile and you might recognize this face:

http://www.interpol.com/

Posted by Dave Foulk at 13:07:36 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Sometimes Things Work Out

Last Thursday there were feelings of impending traffic nightmares as the Tennessee DOT closed down a stretch of I-40 in Downtown Knoxville for fourteen months.

It didn’t happen.

There were no nightmares.

It was a non-event.

The public relations effort by TDOT apparently worked.  And I think news media cooperation helped, too.  By the time the actual closing took place, most of the area’s commuters knew about the closing, and had picked their alternate routes.

Today was an important test for I-640 and it was barely noticed.  There was a three vehicle accident around Broadway on the westbound lanes…right in the middle of the road.  Within a few minutes, officers and TDOT HELP Truck operators had moved the damaged cars to the side.   I understand that today’s crash was no major eighteen wheeler crash, but at least we know the traffic system can work during normal conditions.

I may be a cynic.  But I know success when I see it.

Posted by Dave Foulk at 02:29:19 | Permalink | No Comments »