Forget South Beach- Here’s The South Knox Diet
Everybody has some kind of diet.
There’s the South Beach, The Bible Diet, The Sonoma Diet, and all kinds of companies where you pay money for information on how you can lose weight by their method. I suppose they all work to one extent or another.
My wife found a diet of her very own. It’s called “The Have My Innards Re-Plumbed Diet”. It works better than anything I have seen. After five months, she can run around inside clothes she used to wear, and never touch the fabric.
But I am not too big of a fan of leaving the operating room with tubes placed in naturally occurring body orifices, plus a couple of extra tubes where the doc made his own sump.
I think I will write my own diet book. People tend to buy diet books without ever considering whether they will follow the rules of the diet. So I believe I’d be pretty safe, plus, if they bothered to follow it for a few days, think of the endorsements from happy followers.
The first day would go something like this:
Breakfast: A cat head biscuit or two with country ham and red eye gravy made with strong coffee, fried apples, and extra biscuits with cow butter and some apple butter made outside in a copper kettle over an open fire. If you have coffee or tea, please use artificial sweetener.
Dinner: Pot Roast with carrots and onions, Irish Potatoes boiled and served with butter, green beans, and cornbread. Banana Pudding and plain tea with no sugar. If you drink sweet tea made with artificial sweetener instead of sugar, your eyebrows will grow together and you will want to move up north.
Supper: Meat Loaf, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn on the cob, slaw, and macaroni and cheese. Please make sure the macaroni is not from a box, but from scratch. Yeast rolls, but leave off the butter to save calories. You may, however use some gravy on them in moderate amounts. Coca Cola or Pepsi, not “pop”, and not “diet” anything. After dinner; odd-man for the rest of the “nanner puddin”.
Evening snack: Slice of chocolate layer cake, or cornbread and buttermilk in a glass. That ought to hold you ‘til morning.
That’s a diet I could live with. But somewhere, my doctor’s stethoscope is burning.
Such as the Valley of the lilies, fresh and clean, refreshing reading