Dave Foulk Internet Flyer

I noticed one of my front teeth was getting a little loose. It was a crown job, and I figured that the cement had worn a bit loose. Since it was getting worse by the day, I finally asked the dentist’s office to work me into an appointment.

Doctor David Campbell DDS is the keeper of my five good teeth. He seemed concerned that I was about to lose 20 percent of the clientele from my pie hole.

First came the obligatory x-ray. When the attendant came back with the film, she wouldn’t say everything looked okay. I knew there would be no appeals, no higher court ruling for the offending chopper. It had moved from active status, to a place on death row, ready to join about 20 others in that great mastication in the sky.

Doc Campbell confirmed it. I was headed for a partial plate, maybe more than one, he said.

One reason for my bad teeth is the fact that I had heavy doses of antibiotics when I was young. Ear infections in childhood left me with tooth problems later in life. I also had a childhood dentist who went after my teeth like a shade tree mechanic goes after a seized bolt. That left me with a lifetime fear of densists.

Today, that fear is only eased by that wonderful product called nitrous oxide. I suck that stuff in like I was a small block Chevrolet engine, and still want more. I can’t figure out why they call it laughing gas. I don’t think I have even chuckled, chortled, or even tittered. Stupor gas would be a much better name. And I am grateful for the state is renders my nervous system.

No nitrous the other day- because they didn’t do anything too invasive. The nurses did take a couple of plaster impressions of my gums, in preparation for the instalation of my falsies. They used about a quart of this plastic-like gack inside a little tray. I had to hold it in my mouth until it hardened. It hardened alright. The dental assistant tried to remove the tray. It didn’t budge. She pried harder…still no luck. Still harder, and still not one millimeter of slack between my teeth and gums and that impression. She told me to wait (What else was I going to do?) and she would get some help. Finally..with two people trying and me starting to think of those old Three Stooges movies… the mold came loose.

Now, as the death watch winds down for my doomed loose tooth, Bill Oakes is making me a whole, wonderful set of partial plates. Bill is apparently taking great relish is carrying around an image of what is left of my teeth, and making some new ones. Bill is my age. Misery loves company.

I hope David Campbell has plenty of nitrous oxide. I might need a “to go” cannister. Wonder if Auto Zone or Pep Boys could help? Novocaine is also cheap. I hope he uses a lot of it.